Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
