I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
