that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
