That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
