I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
