so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ttyl tear gas
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
