I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
