the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
