i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
