She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
