I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
