That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
