Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
