I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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