I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
