i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
