Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
