I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
