At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
