I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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