I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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