I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
