That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
