I'm so fucking centered right now
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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