You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
