If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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