brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
