You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
