guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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