I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
