2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
