By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
