Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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