I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize