Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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