sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
