wrigley field is MILF paradise
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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