i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
