I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
