You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
