That's intense
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
