I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
