I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize