I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
