So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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