Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
