so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize