Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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