I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
