I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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