Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize