i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
