i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
