The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
