And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize