I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
