I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
