I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
