Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I party with great urgency now.
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