My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
