there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
