I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
