If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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