Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
