Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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