More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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