All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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