then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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