Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
