Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
