All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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