How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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