ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
