your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
