WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
