The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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