I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
