Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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