is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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