is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
