Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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