Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize