Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
