white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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