my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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