then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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