I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
