If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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