Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
