We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
